What boys want, The Star, 23 June 2007

Original article

Laura Ingalls struck me as the quintessential good girl with very high moral standards. Guys who might be available for a relationship would be put off by the thought that they would never be able to meet her expectations. Guys who just want some fun might think it would take too much effort. It's nothing to do with her looks.

I'm no male Carrie Bradshaw, but speaking from my own experience, if you want to change perceptions :

Perhaps your high moral standards come across in your views about many social issues or situations. Suggest lowering your standards in conversations by espousing some contrarian views like it's acceptable sometimes for married men to have mistresses.

But avoid telling dirty jokes. I've never met a woman who told them well. Then she comes across as lacking class or desperate. Perhaps ok only when both of you are extremely drunk. But it's fine to laugh at his dirty jokes. Be all feminine and say things like "terrible lah you"

But what really gets men is if you touch them, especially when you're not familiar enough to justify it. Find some excuse. Eg admire his shirt and feel the material by stroking his arm. Adjust the fit. If he's lean and trim, admire his abs and feel them out. (But not his buns…could be harrassment). When standing together, hang on to his arm to adjust your heels. (Helps if you're tipsy). Of course you must do it when crossing the road. When he tells his naughty jokes slap him on his shoulder or arm, going "terrible lah you". This is not about being dumb. This is about being playful.

Cheers, Big

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The article 'What boys want' explored a problem and looked at it in a woman's perspective. I think that the male Carrie Bradshaw has a point, but his advice need not neccesarily be limited to women. Mary Jane mode to a woman is the same as the 'boring but secure' guy that has become the stereotype. Both genders have people with that type of character; more cautious and less wild. For some reason, the average human does not find that trait very attractive when looking for a mate.

I think an example will best illustrate my point, and since Mary Jane was brought up, I'll go with Peter Parker. Take a hypothetical situation. Peter Parker is single and available, and all the girls around him are independent career women who are looking for a companion instead of someone who can take care of them. Assuming we keep his spider powers out of this, what are his chances of success? He is a nerdy physics student, the typical nice guy. Pitting character against character, Harry Osbourne would easily look like the more attractive option (leaving his money out of the eqation.) According to conventional wisdom, the unpredicatability of the character holds some kind of appeal.

Different people have different expectation when looking for a mate. Some are looking for a fun companion, others look for stability. The reserved introverts appeal to the stability seekers while the loud extroverts appeal to the fun lovers. Very few go to either of the extreme ends of the scale, and your article highlighted one side. The guy you interviewed is obviously one that like his girls wild and uninhibited. His character is likely to be pretty wild as well. If thats the type that is the type of guy you are looking for, then taking his advice might not be that bad an idea. I personally think that his advice is rubbish, but I acknowledge the fact that there are guys out there who think like him. The advice is situational, and I think that the best person to ask if you should follow the advice or not is yourself.

I realize that I make broad sweeping statements, and that my claims are easily contradicted by many real life examples, but I write based on what I have read, understood and observed.

Lee Siew Weng, Melaka
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Interesting article today.

I didn't realized what's Mary Jane ... till you mentioned 'lay a hand on me & I'll slap you" look... :)

It's funny but I knew a guy last year & he told me that "statement". Hmm, I realized that I am protecting myself unconsciously with my independence...

Hoh Li Chong

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Read your article, well why wait or why bother about Men's opinion?

You ladies need not fall into any classification, just go with the flow.......

Best way to find the RIGHT man.....

1) Go for a one week holiday with him, stay in the same room

2) Watch how he treat other people or animals, that's the way he'll treat
you one day.

3) Test him for consistency & honesty

A considerate & honest dude is worth sleeping with.........

Rgds, Jeffrey Cheah

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Conforming to a stereotype that is attractive to the larger part of the
male population may increase your chances of finding Mr Right, but it
also means wading through a swamp of Mr Wrongs. If you're prepared for
that kind of pain, well... .

There's not much work involved in spotting outer beauty. A man who's
looking for Ms Right usually relies on more than just looks - or
inappropriate pick-up lines. The only trouble is that he's really hard
to pick out from the crowd.

Like Peter Parker.

Don't worry too much about the analogy. If you manage to trip
somebody's Spider-sense just by being yourself, your search may be
over.

Alan Wong, Wilayah Persekutuan